


puge?

by eggu



Category: Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack, F/M, Fluff and Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-12-17 06:10:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11845575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eggu/pseuds/eggu
Summary: a prince decides to escape his family curse/arranged brotrothal and find true love~





	puge?

**Author's Note:**

> This message is brought to you in part by a dedication to the squadsquad. This message made possible by crack viewers like YOU! Also,《 http://sierraseybold.com/post/101115467511/ 》. Also also, "puge" is pronounced with a soft 'j' sound. :-)
> 
> Written for the 2017 ExoFantasy fic fest.

Once upon a time in a land not so drastically different than our own, there was a vast kingdom called SMelly Town where several princes lived. The previous king had left the kingdom in search of a land where he'd take less planes to travel, and many of the princes were either off to war or bro'd off to other kingdoms. All that was left was the Bacon prince, the sizzly Romeyo, who all the subjects of the kingdom loved with all of their heards. For, he was a kind soul who didn't wish to marry, so he spent his days charming all the people of the land, using his loud voice to yell a lot for no reason.

Prince Romeyo's father left one unbreakable decree that the prince had spent years evading: his brotrothal to the neighbouring kingdom's son, another prince whom Prince Romeyo had avoided every occasion to meet by faking tummy aches and fevers that his manservant Nurse Chanandler always falsely diagnosed out of pity for the poor prince - Nurse Chanandler was once a prince too, himself, but when he had snuck out of his kingdom to learn every instrument of the world and heal the world through music, he decided searching for his true love would be how best to spend his time. He searched for a lady with a name that sounded like Tomorrow, as per what a magical elf had told him on his way to his nursing degree.

How he ended up in SMelly Town, to this day he couldn't explain. A ethereal feeling simply told him staying by Prince Romeyo's side for a while would lead him where he needed to go.

And, he simply adored the national anthem. He loved karaoke mornings with Prince Romeyo who would also belt at the top of his lungs:

"SMelly Town, SMeh-lly Town,  
hooow are youtreating yourartists...?  
SMellyTownartists, SMellyTownartists,  
it's not your fau-au-ault...  


They won't let you take a break,  
you're obviously not beingtakencareof,  
SMellyTownartists, SMe-llyTownartistssss,  
it's not your fau-au-ault...

SMelly Town, SMeh-lly Town,  
hooow are youtreating yourartists...?  
SMellyTownartists, SMellyTownartists,  
it's not your fau-au-ault~"

And so, the prince who was now known as Chanandler found things in SMelly Town fairly peaceful. He was a favourite of all the people who worked in the castle, and was fed quite often. All was well in the kingdom for a while during his stay, until the eve of Bacon Prince's 21st birthday...

And this

is where

our story

BEGINS................

 

One fine afternoon, Prince Romeyo stretched and opened his eyes. When he tried to rub them awake, he realized he had little paws. He yelped in surprise and ran over to Nurse Chanandler, jumping on his tummy.

“Oof!” he said. “Good morning little pug Prince Romeyo. Ah... happy birthday?”

“Woof!?” he exclaimed, before scampering away to take a good look at himself. No, his squished in face wasn’t because he had just ran into the mirror. He was supposed to be a beagle! Or a corgi. Or a bagel. MMmmm, bagels…

NO! Must stay focused! Chanandler must help.

“Sorry my little sir, you have to have true love’s kiss. Maybe your father was right, maybe you should marry the foreign royalty so the hereditary curse is lifted! You heard him, before he became a Shibe Shibe such many wow... and ran away... so I must warn you, my liege, if you get too lonely AND do not find love before the sun sets on your 21st birthday, the curse will remain!”

TRUE LOFF, Romeyo thought, and after stealing Chanandler's keys to escape, he ran out the door. He couldn't give in to an arranged marriage, though. It just didn't feel right to him!

After he had sprinted away, his parents came home. They had reunited and his father was no longer a doge, because she had found the bro love she was destined for! And so Nurse Chanandler prayed Prince Romeyo would succeed. He texted the prince to fill him in on what the King CataLu and Queen Lucy had relayed to him.

Prince Romeyo had run down the trails leading away from his castle until he reached the streets of the town. He traded in one of the jewel studs from his necklace (er, collar) for a magic flying burger pillow (a detail which was added to this story BEFORE KoKoBop came out, just a factoid of life that is necessary to point out), so he could search the town in comfort. And search, he did, and many a townsperson commented on 'technology these days,' and how it was becoming so easy to use that even a puge could use things.

He took advantage of all the many pets he got to restore his HP and keep his wits about him. He acquired speech when he got peckish for an ice cream cone, although he couldn't finish it as he was lactose intolerant.

Unfortunately, he couldn't ignore the many girlies who were following him, giggling and screeching about his cuteness.

Ah, the burdens of the extremely handsome and adorable.

But, lo! One lady was always just out of sight, tracking the fur he'd leave behind every time his little pug body shook in its routine manner. She would barrel roll in and out of stores just to try and avoid his gaze, yet his Pugey senses tingled nonetheless.

Feeling like his search had reached somewhat of a dead end, he stopped in his tracks and confronted the mystery lady who was in the middle of log-rolling her way into a bakery.

"Ayo, bruh. Y u follow me like dis? Iz whack, yo. This ain't lit! Its not swole, or even sweg. Are you comin' at me? Is you," Prince Romeyo inquired, truly happy and pleased at the amount of acquired slang he had gained for being on the streets for a few hours. He began beatboxing, but soon realized that the amount of drool pooling around the town square was not the most pleasant thing his paws had ever felt before.

"I'm... I'm Prince Joshdae Dae Dae Jong Dae Josh Josh the Fourth," the lady said at once. "And I love you. Please be my bro for life. Please, pls, plez, pleashhh, plooshuu, pl0x? Trust me, I can break whatever spell that has come upon you, with only my cheekbones to light the way. You have stumbled upon a path that is dark for it does not lead you to me and my hand in bro-ness!"

"Isn't this a little sudden, Prince Joshdae Dae Jong Dae Josh Josh the Fourth?" Prince Romeyo asked. "Also, I know it's not real love - you don't even come bearing treats! How do you expect me to believe you?!"

"But it is I, Prince Joshdae Dae Jong Dae Josh Josh the Fourth! Don't you recognize me from the betrothal paintings? Aren't I beautiful? Aren't I stunning beyond measure? Aren't I lovely, aren't I wonderful? Aren't I precious? Less than one--"

"Oh, of course, Prince Joshdae Dae Jong Dae Josh Josh the Fourth. Yes, I don't negate your beauty, I assure you. But beauty is not measured in watercolour, it is measured in the strength of your heart and how many snacks you bring!"

"Oh," said Prince Joshdae Dae Jong Dae Josh Josh the Fourth. "Then I, Prince Joshdae Dae Jong Dae Josh Josh the Fourth, am sad."

The music began, and both took out their mics to sing an amazing duet, complete with pyrotechnics and water stages and smoke machines with usok in every colour! The sky filled with rainbow cotton candy clouds, raining iced tea to satiate the many townsfolk who had come to watch the increduble show. The duetters then came to the crecendo of the song, and the music swelled and caused chocolate chips to fly out of their ears and into all the water fountains throughout the kingdom.

"Jin jeong nan mollane~" they both sang, finally at the end of their performance. The people of the kingdom cheered loudly and flower petals rained down from the sky! Then a blurry filter appeared over the scene, and flowing music continued as the slow motion effect began and Prince Romeyo accodentally-on purpose dodged a hug from Prince Joshdae Dae Jong Dae Josh Josh the Fourth in the end and opting to eat some of the filling of his burger pillow instead.

After this unfortunate rejection, Prince Romeyo - fearing tears from his fellow Prince - telepathically sent a message to the state of Texas whilst opening a big, swirly, glittersparkly portal.

"I am using my one-time spellpower to grant you this portal to your new girlfriend," said the young puge. "This portal can be used anytime so you can visit this world and your family and friends, but I hope you find love there and decide not to stay here. Or else, I may yet one day defeat you in a duet and bring dishonour on you/your cow."

He climbed upon his burger pillow, and before gliding off added, "Oh, and I read your planner. The condition is that you can't quit your job because fast food places' turnover rate sucks and you don't wanna do that to those nice people, so make sure to not be late for your Tuesday shifts. OH, lastly - I am keeping your discount card. I'm getting hungry, where is it?"

And so Prince Joshdae Dae Jong Josh Josh the Fourth pointed the Puge Prince in the direction of his workplace. He brought lighting to the sky and split himself into two entities, as it took the magic of an epic duet to separate himself from his twin, Princess Mango Monana of the Pennsylvania Dutch Kingdom.

Princess Mango Monana decided to steal her princebrother's suitcase and crossdress as she feared she may be fired from her job if they would learn who she really was, and Prince Romeyo thought it odd that she was really, weirdly keen on playing out what she thought may become a 'Park Shin Hye K-Drama,' as she called it.

And so Princess Mango ran off, for it coincidentally was a Tuesday as the castle was ringing their Tuesday bells from every balcony.

Unfazed/shrugging it off, Prince Romeyo decided to take his time greeting his new fans, and then ended up searching high and low for burgers to regain his strength in search for the true love to lift the spell. Eventually he ended up at the drive-through because he was super hungry.

“Josh, there’s a pug at the window. He looks like his name is "Bacon" ... Am I supposed to give him this burger?” a pretty lady dragon (with ‘Juliette’ in gold letters on her nametag) said to her co-worker.

“Nah,” said Josh, who looked suspiciously like a mango lady in disguise.

“I’ll come in there, Josh. I’ll come in there and I’ll get it myself,” Bacon suddenly said.

But when he said the beautiful lady holding the hamburger, he merely screamed - “MY LOFF!”

She jumped out the window and picked him up, and they began to fly into the sunset with a trunk full of burgers tied to Juliette's back leg.

"Prince Romeyo, I smell that a Prince has come to see you. Who he? Do I have competition? SHALL I SLAY HIM. I WILL FIND HIM, I WILL SLAY--"

"Juliette, my darling," began Prince Romeyo, enjoying the beautiful hue of the clear skies as the sun began to set. "There is no need, for I sent him to another AU. And his sister, although technically half the prince, is now going to be cared for by my Nurse, Chanandler, for it is the destiny of Princess Mango Monana to be with Chanandler Bong, her REAL true love!

So therefore... you are mine and I am yours!

I love you more than life itself, you are my one, my only, my tru tru lof lof of all time. All day I have thought of the moment we would finally meet, and now it is only you whom I wish to spend my days with! I wish to dote on your every need, be there for every struggle with a kiss to soothe your aching soul! MY LOVE BURNS FOR YOU, MY HEART BURNS. Oh wait, that might be my arteries. BUT, no matter! NO MATTER! MY LOVE STILL BURNS FOR YOU, for you are the apple of my eye and the FIRE of my SOUL..."

"But Prince Romeyo, won't your kingdom disagree with our love? After all, they have a lawsuit against me, and, well... I'm... I'm a dragon. A dragon and a puge are mortal enemies, will you be able to control yourself and not cause my demise at the command of your kingdom? What if they file a lawsuit against you? How would I lif with myself if that were the case, and I cause not only my death but yours as well?"

"LOVE KNOWS NO BOUNDS, SCREW MY KINGDOM, THEY WILL OBEY ME BECAUSE I SHALL BE THE ONE AT THE THRONE, EVERYONE LOVES ME AND WILL NOT DISOBEY."

"That's so forceful, my love," said Juliette. "Do you have abs?"

"Yes, would you like to touch them?" He said, suggestively.

"Little doggy abs are not my thing. Plus, you're shedding all over your kingdom."

"OK baby boo, please bestow upon me True Loff's Kiss so I may return to my throne and prove to everyone the purity of our loff. My father King CataLu will now eat her words, as well as my mother Queen Lucy, court ladies Sam-Sam, Larabear, Megui, Mia... and of course, Phyl the Undefeatable. I'd tell my sister, but she's always off looking for potatoes or something."

Juliette then kissed Prince Romeyo on the forehead and as he returned the favour once turning back into a human - she tried to ignore that he was naked but his butt was too tempting to poke so they just got to babymaking and lived happily ever after with many cheeseburgers to feed the kingdom for generations to come.

Prince Joshdae Dae Jong Dae Josh Josh the Fourth found a lovely, amazing gorlfriend of equal beauty as he, and they spent a long engagement planning a seating plan in which every person of both kingdoms could get on board with - then his girlfriend Lindseok became his one and only queen. They grew old together, always agreeing on their favourite restaurants, bookstores/libraryies, and vacation destinations.

Chanandler decided to find Josh the mango lady in disguise and they also got married and had many babies in the land of Pennsylvania Dutch. Sometimes, if you're real quiet, you can hear mangoes being given to peasants as the fruit of their eternal loff.

They began a landscaping business and their gardens became world renowned. So with their widespread popularity, they became travelling celebrities who held many a fansign. They also fulfilled all their dreams and had many adventures which only strengthened their love for each other, such as hiking, paragliding, skydiving, bungee jumping, discovering architecture, and touring the world with their soundtracks of mango mango love.

Out of the shadows, the magical fairy emerged - Prince Romeyo's sisteru, Princess Egg Egg Yam Yam. She had short, curly, black hair that was so big because it was full of secrets. She sat on the shoulder of the tallest/most fearsomest Potato Dragon the Bald, who was Juliette's (super super) fraternal twin.

For when they watched Prince Romeyo and Juliette fly in to the sunset, Egg merely chuckled to herself because her broski had finally found his true love and stopped challenging her to sing-offs that she could never win.

What Princess Egg never told Prince Romeyo was that she had already overtaken the kingdom and freed him from his responsibility. She hoped he would forgive her for stealing most of the the burgers tied to Juliette's leg (while he made his grand speech of love), and replacing it with most of the riches of the kingdom so that he and his bride would live in comfort for the rest of their lives.

Egg had eaten a delicious burger while feeding a few to her boyfriend dragon, Emperor Potato Wu. They had laughed and shared the cutest kiss in the world while he farted and bestowed upon the land lusher flora and fauna, for his gassy behind contained many a nutrient for the planet to grow. With another magical and supremely glittery toot, he had cured global warming and refroze the glaciers, and brought all the long extinct species back to life.

The citizens of the world thanked him super duper uber profusely. They then created the most beautiful new dishes to celebrate his amazingness, and brought him and his girlfriend many, many doggos to adopt as their own princesses. Their whole clan got so fat from the constant eating that they could no longer get around on their own so they had to hire Emperor Wu's estranged dragon aunta and uncles to roll them and their doggo kidses around to their various spa appointments and the like.

Dragon Emperor BenBen Kuriseu Kris Galaxy Fanfan Kevin Li Jiaheng Denim Duizhang Cabbage-Oppa Egg-Gege Potato Wu romantically proposed to the love of his life, his soon-to be Empress Yam Yam, whom he loved more than anything else in the wide, infinite nebula. For any darkness they had in their eyes, the lights up the sky would shine brightly and luciously to celebrate their wonderful, resilient, fan-fantastical love for each other. They were a match made in langit, for their love was the purest in the history of all creation. #BLESS

He and Egg formally adopted all of her 50+ human offspring, and they too flew into the stars to live eternally in wedded bliss, conquering the universe and - in a freak accident involving offending a deity and causing an apocalypse - sending them all into another AU altogether, set billions of years in the past at the origin of the (now) last existing universe.

(Don't read it unless you wanna be sads, 'kay? Okay~)

The end.


End file.
